Feel-good Friday #8
Health and wellbeing wisdom to help us all feel less sh*t
This week has been another up and down week as I wait for the outcome of decisions that are out of my hands, and ponder my own decisions. I’ve also been reflecting on the year so far and how it hasn’t gone quite the way I had planned. That said, when does life ever go as planned? If this tumultous time has taught me anything, it’s that life is unpredictable, friends are crucial, some kind of basic self-care routine is essential, in order to bring structure and try to stay sane (it can be as simple as a morning walk), and also there is no shame in feeling all the emotions: shame, anxiety, stress, failure, imposter syndrome, fear, dread, alarm — I have genuinely felt them all. If you don’t feel them, and leave them unattended, that’s worse. The feelings get under your skin and fester there, itching, needing scratching, which makes them flare up, time and time again. And then you start doing other things to mask the itch, to make it go away. But it’s still there, lingering. Far better to sit with the difficult feelings and let them wash over you. Sit with them. Let them flow through you. Feel them in your bones. It is not easy. One’s instinct is to push them away. But try not to. If you can let them in, they will still be present, they won’t vanish, but they’ve been recognised by your nervous system, your heart and your consciousness. Put simply, better out than in. If they are visible, you can start to process them and challenge them. If they are locked away, they will endure far longer.
A rather last-minute holiday to France beckons and I think it will do me the power of good. I love France so much. As I can speak French, I relish the chance to chat to people, plus I enjoy the weather, the landscape, the culture; even the French supermarkets are fascinating. So there won’t be a newsletter next week. I’ll be lounging on the sunbed with a book. Or else eating a big croissant.
Have a good fortnight and stay well —
Liz
Talk to a friend to boost your wellbeing. This study proves that talking to a friend just once during the day to catch up can boost your happiness and lower your stress levels. To be frank, I am not quite sure why the University of Kansas found it necessary to prove this scientifically (!) but I am 100% behind the findings. Quality conversation can improve your wellbeing: catching up, meaningful talk, listening, offering sincere compliments — all these things can drastically improve how you feel. The study also showed that face-to-face communication is better than digital. As the photo demonstrates, I am all for face-to-face catch-ups with friends, preferably with coffee. And almond croissants. Make sure you are regularly talking to friends; they will help you manage your stress — and vice versa. Everyone’s a winner.
‘Does this choice enlarge me or diminish me?’ James Hollis
Making a decision. I have been listening to Jungian analyst James Hollis talking about making choices. His perspective, which is to think about not whether a choice will make you happy, but to think about whether it will enlarge you or diminish you, has been really helpful in all my pondering about the future. The enlargement question helps us frame the decision in a different way: it makes you think about whether this choice will be expansive or enriching, rather than just providing ‘happiness’, which is less easy to define. Ask instead, will it help me grow? Will it move me forward? Will it reflect my values? Asking James’ question elicits a deeper response, and I think it’s a really useful framework when it comes to making a decision. I hope it’s a useful tool to help you decide what matters most.
Quote of the week
‘Vitality shows not only in the ability to persist, but the ability to start over’ — F. Scott Fitzgerald
There’s a theme this week, isn’t there? Change, starting again, making a choice. Courage and bravery. Persistence or starting afresh? Turning to friends for advice, succour and comfort as you make choices and decisions...
I hope you enjoyed this week’s ideas. Please do share this Substack and help me grow my readership.
Stay well —
Liz